Questions #32, 33 & 34

Today’s questions:

Why are men such pussies when they are sick?

Slick- While I may admit to the fact that men groan and moan a little more when we’re “under the weather”, I’ll also point out that it only happens every so often. Why do women moan, groan, and bitch a week out of every month? I mean, since we’re comparing and all….

Chuck- I think it’s the whole Mommy thing. Whenever I’m sick my first thought is wanting my mom to take care of me. Mom’s know what to do when their kids are under the weather (well except for my ex wife) and the mother’s of the world have generally conditioned their boy children to grow up as pussies when they get sick. So, if you’re a mom….you’re responsible.

Ok, guys, I’ve got a serious question for you. What is it about the TV that sucks the life out of you all? What is it that causes you to lose your hearing? Why is it you can hear a dying victim whisper her last breath on CSI but you cannot hear a 5 year old ask you to serve her some juice or help with her homework?

Slick- Ha…Chuck? When did we say this would become a male bashing site? Damn….ok look here dear person who asked this question, it’s because we bought that damn juice. The kid wants more juice? He needs to go get a job. He’s done had 3 today already.

Sorry, thought I was talking to my ex again…

TV is so much more entertaining than listening to nagging. ‘Nough said.

Chuck- Yeah Slick, it would appear that the man bashers are out in full force. And yeah, I totally agree with ya on the juice. So, what is it about a man who can hear shit on tv but ignore others around him? Well it’s simple. You see, menfolk have so much responsibility on their shoulders. We’re the ones who make the world go round. It’s hard, sometimes, to tune out the constant thoughts of “working for a living”, “mechanics of the cliterus (is that how you spell it?)”, “price of a gallon of gas”, “who’s going to win the SEC Championship”, etc and worry about something as unimportant as juice.

Why do younger men like older women so much? Is it the learning curve? The mom factor? What is it?

Slick- I’m 37, if I get a woman older than me, I’d be buying her a coffee with a senior citizens discount at the local Hardees. No thanks. When I was younger, it’s just the lure of an older woman that was attractive. I mean, older women were the only ones we saw naked at the time (using Dad’s Playboys) so it kind of stuck with us as we progressed in life. At least until the woman turned 30….then it would be time to fixate on another one.

Chuck- For those of you in the Western half of the country Hardees is Carl’s Jr and they have some killer breakfast action! Okay…..just wanted to clear that up. So yeah, Slick is on track with his answer. The whole older woman thing pretty much dies out once you hit your 30′s. I once, about 6 years ago, slightly hooked up with a woman who was in her 50′s. I was at a bar in Guymon, Oklahoma and this feisty, and attractive, woman started hitting on me at the pool tables. I eventually went back with her to her motel room and as she was slobbing my knob she told me how her son was a couple years older than I was. That kind of freaked me out a bit. I was out of there within five minutes, once she had finished. So, in conclusion, I’d have to say men tend to move away from the “older woman” thing at a certain age and the “mom factor” has nothing to do with it. At least not for me…

Questions #29, 30 & 31

Today’s questions:

Do men have real friendships with women? Or are they merely women you want to screw and can’t?

Slick- Let me be blunt dear reader…..if it’s got titties, I can’t be real friends with it. I mean, me and Chuck are buddies and I don’t stare at his titties. He’s too freakin’ hairy for my tastes. See, if I had a close female friend who had’em, I’d just be staring at them all day. What kind of friendship is that? So no….in my professional expertise, there is no such thing as a platonic relationship.

Chuck- Thank you Slick for not starring. You know it would bother me if you did. Anyway, back to the question…I honestly believe men can’t have real platonic friendships with women, unless there is something really wrong with her or she looks like Hillary Clinton or something. The mind of a man just doesn’t work that way. Slick mentions titties in his response and I agree, but for my answer I’ll say it’s ass. I can’t talk to a woman for more than 8.4 seconds without wondering what her ass would look like all naked and bent over my crotch. And I know that’s wrong, but I just can’t help it. You can bet your husband or boyfriend does the same thing. It doesn’t mean he’s gonna cheat on you. It’s just the way many men see things.  With this being the case, please note I can always use more female friends! ;)
I work really close to a male co-worker. He has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend. I am not sure if the co-worker is being nice to me or interested in me or just being a guy and likes my big tits. We have become really close to each other and make dirty comments to each other when are around each other. Is it a bad that I want to do bad things with him? Granted both of us are with other people, we would not act on it, but I just want the thoughts out of my head. What is a girl do to do?

Confused.

Slick- Dear Confused, you just answered the first question. You dirty dirty girl…dirty dirty. I love dirty text messages. You’ll let us know when you do her boyfriend, right? You dirty girl, you. Chuckie? Somebody needs a spankin’

Chuck- Yeah man, I’m definitely feelin’ the “dirty girl” vibe here. I think, in order to honestly answer your question, we’ll need to see a pic of the “big tits” in question. Meanwhile, if you’re wanting to get the thoughts out of your head I’d suggest you change jobs, cause I’m thinking (and I’m sure Slick would agree) you and him are destined to hit the sheets way before Memorial Day, at the rate things are going.

What is it about Midget’s that turns a man on? Mr Mustang turned me down the other night because he preferred to go with his buddies to a ballerina bar and watch Bridget the Midget strip. I ran into him and his friends later that night and there were a few other men there that were not a part of their group. They over heard us talking about it and chimed in that they thought she was was just the greatest. What is up with that?

Slick- I love midgets. Really, I dated one once but she kept her nose all in my business. I don’t know…a lot of guys fantasies are doing midgets and siamese twins. Not me personally….I’m just sayin’

Chuck- I have been a fan of Bridget The Midget since I first saw her in a “free download” porn clip on the Internet two years ago. She’s a hottie! I’ve always had a thing for Asian Midgets and I once saw one standing on the sidewalk in downtown Birmingham, Alabama. I nearly rear ended the car in front of me when I did. What is it about midgets that turn a man on? Well I think it has a little to do with the desire to see our usually monster sized man meat appear so much more gargantuan in the hand/mouth/other orifice of a smaller sized woman.

You’ve got questions? We’ve got answers….

Hey!  Chuck here…

Have y’all been wondering where me and Slick have been over the past two weeks?  Well here’s a pic of us out on the lake last weekend.  We thought we’d get together, drink some beers, cast a line or two and help out a few college co-eds with their education expenses.  It was a fun time, don’t get us wrong, but the real reason for our get together had nothing to do with beer, fishin’, blow jobs or broads….

fishin.jpg

It had everything to do with the future of this here blog.  You see, it would seem that after eleven previous posts where we’ve answered your questions, we’ve finally run out of them.  If we’re going to continue this great public service experiment we’ve got going here we’re going to need your continued help.  Y’all need to email us your questions.  In addition y’all need to mention us on your blogs.  Post a link and let all your readers know that FINALLY there is a place where they can find the truths that have been missing from their lives for so long.  You know all women need our help. Is it fair to keep us all to yourselves?

Remember ladies….we’re here to help, but to do so we need your help. You’ve got questions? We’ve got answers!

Questions #26, 27 & 28

Today’s questions:

When finances are used by a guy as an excuse not to get married, should it be interpreted as he just does not want to get married?

Chuck- Yes. It most likely means he doesn’t trust you with his money. Have you given him reasons to be concerned in the past? Are you a good custodian of your own finances? Do you spend too much time and money at the casino or strip clubs? What’s your credit score? If the answer to any of these questions are not positive you might want to brush up on your blow job giving skills. If you want the guy you’ll have to take his mind off the fact you aren’t good with money and make him focus on your other “assets”!

Slick- Hang on a minute…if a guy tells you he’s broke before you even plan on a marriage…what the hell are you still doing with him? He’s bad news, girl. Get the hell away. Next thing you know, your Mom will be calling you after a family get together asking if you’ve seen her money. I personally, wouldn’t want all that hassle.

Why can’t men figure out the toilet seat? It seems to be a pretty uncomplicated device, and only really has 3 positions…what exactly is the problem?

Chuck- The mention of positions makes me think of sex, not toilet seats. But since the question doesn’t deal with sex I’ll attempt to answer your question from a toilet point of view. When it comes to toilets there is only two positions that matter. Up for pissin and down for when the kids are being dropped off at the pool. I’m not a slob who wants to sit in his own piss, so I am smart enough to raise the seat. But, if I’m only going to shake the dew off my lily I don’t find it necessary to put the seat back down. You dig?

Slick- 3 positions? Ha, a toilet ain’t got 3 positions! Are we geting our questions from people in West Virginia Chuckie? Anyway, I lift the seat up and for the most part, leave the seat lifted.

What cup size of breasts would be considered too big??

Chuck- This is a joke, right? What size of breast is too big? Is there such a thing? I guess if they’re too big to fit in the front seat of my car that might be over doing it. Any size smaller than that is perfect!

Slick- Well, as most of you know…I’m a breast man. Unlike Chuckie, I do have a size limit. Quadruple D’s. That’s as big as I would care for them. I mean, any bigger and I’m sure they’d cost an arm and a leg to feed.

Questions #23, 24 & 25

Today’s questions:

Why do men on “dating” websites send women a picture of their “junk” but not a picture of their face? Do they really think we are going to be interested in them based on a disembodied penis picture?

Slick- Because see? A man who sends just a picture of his “junk” is a man who is only interested in a skanky ho. And guess what? The only people who would answer his ad are…..you guessed it, a skanky ho. This eliminates the women with morals. Cuts to the chase, so to speak. He gets exactly what he’s after.

Chuck- Slick, you nailed the “junk” on the head with your answer. You’re exactly right. Many men who use on-line dating sites have two profiles. One for the skanks (complete with cock pic) and one for the girl to take home to mama (smiling pic with a dog as a prop). Now I don’t know about this from experience………but, I can imagine this is the case. By the way question asker, there are other sites for dating other than Adult Friend Finder.

I’ve got a question………why do guys insist on having nicknames for body parts?? My other half calls my nether regions the Box office. Care to comment??

Slick- Mainly because the words “penis” and “vagina” are such gay words coming from the mouth of a manly man. “Hey Babe, wanna see my penis?” sounds so….dorkish. On the other hand… “Hey Babe, wanna see Goliath?” sounds soooo much more manly. Penis, Goliath, penis, Goliath, peni, Goliath……I mean seriously, which sounds better?

By the way, I’m stealing your better half’s word for vagina. That sounds so upscale-ish. I like it!

Chuck- “box office” that is a good one. What kind of tickets are you selling from your box office? Are there group rates? LOL It’s so much easier to discuss your junk in pubic when you have a nice name for it. Here’s an example of a conversation my wife and I had recently at Haverty’s Furniture right in front of the sales lady. (Me: So, do you think Lil’Chucky would enjoy the material of this sofa? You don’t think he might chafe himself on it do you? Wife: rolls eyes.) See, the sales person might have thought we were talking about a kid or something.

My co-worker constantly talks about her love life or lack of. She and her husband are in their 40s and have been married for about 17 years. Her husband stopped having sex with her over a year and a half ago, including giving oral pleasure. He says the reason he hasn’t is because he injured his back. I suggested her getting on top but again she said he just will not. Is there something we aren’t getting? I mean is the dude gay or having an affair or do guys really lose “the feeling”?

Slick- Oooooo, there are two likely reasons here. Either your co-worker has let herself go in the hygiene department and he’s lost sexual interest or his pecker can no longer upgrade past the flaccid stage. After 17 years of marriage, he ain’t lookin’ for “strange”. Tell your co-worker to orally please him to start a session. Maybe, just maybe….he will get past her body odor and her disgusting lack of self hygiene to make love to her.

Chuck- Well, unless he’s taking some kind of medication that totally eliminates his sex drive then he must be playing for the other team. Even a guy who’s getting some poon somewhere else will still bang the wife from time to time just to keep her from wondering. I would imagine if a guy has found himself attracted to dick, balls and hairy assholes there would be nothing his wife could do to make him want her warm wet honey hole. Then again, it could be like Slick said, and she just needs to get some Summer’s Eve feminine cooter wash or something.

Questions #21 & 22

Todays questions:

So our 19 yr old son has become….a boomerang kid. He won’t leave, he eats us out of house and home, doesn’t clean up after himself, he doesn’t work enough, and well…it’s time for him to go. It was hard letting him go in the first place, but our finances have been depleted lately, and here’s an adult child with his hand out. I love him dearly, but it’s TIME TO GO. It’s just really hard to tell your child to leave, you know? When I was his age, I had moved back with my parents already. But I finally found someone, and moved out. I didn’t WANT to live with my parents after college. I enjoyed my freedoms. We have 4 younger kids who HAVE to depend on us. Here he is, jealous of everything they get. Don’t get me wrong, I love my son. He’s a cute kid and we get along great. BUT…it’s time for him to join the military, or move in with a friend, or work more than 20 hours a week. His truck is broken, so he depends on us for rides. I know you are thinking “oh, I’d kick him out”…blah blah blah. It’s hard when it’s you. It’s hard knowing what you SHOULD do, and what you DO do. ~ Frustrated Mom

Chuck- Frustrated Mom – What do you think this is, Dear Abby or something? lol Okay, let me get serious here for a minute….If you have a 19 year old man who is mooching off a financially depleted mom and dad and is still living at home, I’ve got two words for you…Armed Forces. Drop his ass off at the nearest recruiting office and tell him it’s time he do something with his life to make him, and those who care about him, proud. Let him know that you and Dad have bent over backwards to help him in every way you can but those days have to stop. Assure him that since he’s not willing to find a job that he can support himself with, his Uncle Sam will step in and provide that service. You can also help seal the deal by reminding him that chicks love a man in uniform! Good luck!

Slick- I’m with Chuckie. Armed Forces baaaaaaby! That or charge the little moochin’ bastard some rent and tell him he has to buy his own damn vittles. Can you set him up with any of your buddies daughters? Maybe that would motivate him to get up and do something.

A healthy, Southern man wakes up at 06:00 AM, goes to work at 7:00 AM, has lunch at 11:00 AM, gets some work done, takes some pee breaks and leaves work at 4:00 PM. My question is…….from the time his eyes opened at 06:00 AM until he clocks out of work……….how many times has he thought about sex?

Chuck- Okay first of all you forgot about when we take our dump breaks.  It ain’t all about the peeing.  Anyway from 6am till 4pm this healthy Southern man thinks about sex approximately 2,400 times.  Breaking it down that would be four times every minute.  This can vary though depending on the day and what I’m doing.  If I stop off for lunch and some hot chicka leans out of the drive thru window with her tig ole bitties staring me in my face that number may go up considerably.  On the other hand I could find myself on a warehouse tour with some fat ass man named Lou with his crack showing and reeking of serious body odor.  In that case I ain’t thinking about sex or anything other than getting the hell out of there and back into my car.

Slick- This is easy. 400 million times. I think about cleavage at least 93 million times a day. Then I think about blowjobs 87 million times. My wife in a french maid outfit or nurses uniform 69 million times and Jessica Alba wearing a see through nightie 48 million times. Whatever the hell that adds up to is how many times a day I think about sex.

Questions #17, 18, 19 & 20

Today’s questions:

Dear Slick and Chuck- Why is it when your guy has a hard-on around you he wants you to touch it??? Even though you are in public and can’t do anything to help out in the situation???

Puzzled

Chuck- Well Puzzled this one is simple….we always want you to touch it. It don’t matter if we’re standing behind you in the check out lane at Wal Mart, sitting next to you in the movies or laying in bed with “morning wood”. We know that we have “what you want and desire”, we just want to get validation.

Slick- I want it touched whether erect or not. “Just touch it…touch it dammit!” can be heard around my house every so often. I say the next time you go out with your man, wear something very revealing and tell him to touch your breasts in front of everyone. This might cure him….or make him very excited.

Is there any validity to the idea that men really want “a lady on the street and a freak in the bed”? Tell me about it.

Chuck- Oh yeah! Especially we Southern Gentlemen, we want our women to be lady like in public, but to be a HO when the door is closed. It makes it easier for us to brag to our friends about how well we’re laying the pipe. Our friends will be all “But she seems so nice and proper.” and we’ll be like “Dude, check out this bite mark on my shoulder!”

Slick- What century are you living in, dear reader? I’m guessing you and your man’s favorite position is the missionary one, right? Everybody loves a little freaky.

My significant other claims to not like blow jobs. Is that even possible? Am I doing something wrong or is he just terribly, terribly flawed?

Chuck- It’s obvious your significant other needs to be reading this blog. I can say I’ve never known a man who doesn’t like a blow job. Most complain they don’t get ‘em enough. I’d go with “terribly flawed”. It’s definitely not you. What say you Slick?

Slick- Is there a mental facility close by that you can check your man in to? Unless you’re just teething the hell out of his pecker, he’s crazy to reject a blowjob. I mean seriously, I’m at a loss for words with this question. It’s like we’re faced with an impossibility right here…..

Why is your email “slickandchuck”? Why not “chuckandslick”? Is this some indication of who is the bitch in your relationship? (Oh come on, you have to admit that’s funny)

Chuck- Well if I had to guess it would have something to do with the fact that Slick set the email account (as well as all of this blog) up himself. I’m sure he’ll have a different answer though…

Slick- LOL! Nawww, I don’t know why I set it up like that. We can make a new one to appease you, dear reader.

Chuck- Okay, to be honest we swap out the “bitch” duties! LOL

Questions #14, 15 & 16

Today’s questions:

Why did God screw me with such a small penis?

Slick- Dear Small Penis Owner, maybe your “soulmate” has a small throat? I don’t know, but God has a reason behind everything. Are your hands small?

Chuck- I have what I think is a funny response to this but I’ll keep it to myself since it’s probably pretty borderline sacrilege. Instead I’ll just say, You have a small penis? You poor pitiful dude. Hopefully you make a LOT of money!

Boobs. Real or fake? And if you care, why?

Slick- Personally, I’ve never had “fake” boobs so I’m not the expert on this matter. I’ll tell ya what though, I love looking at ALL boobs. If fake boobs are all soft like real ones, then I don’t really give a shit either way.
Chuck- I actually like ‘em natural, but if they are going to be fake I’d hope they’d not be all hard and obvious. If they’re fairly endowed, still firm and not too saggy they’re perfect IMO.

When a guy takes a shit, why does he drop his pants to the floor? You see it in movies all of the time where their underwear and pants are on their ankles. I know when us women do our business, our pants come to our knees, not all of the way to the floor. What’s up with that?

Slick- Hhhmmm, this is a very good question. I do drop my pants to the floor and I can’t even tell you why. Maybe because I’m scared of getting feces all over my underwear? I don’t really know…

Chuckie?

Chuck- Yep Slick this is a good’un. I do the same thing. I always figured it was because with the pants on da floor it was easier to spread my legs. That way I can keep hold of my junk and make sure it doesn’t drag the bottom of the bowl!

Questions #11, 12 & 13

Today’s questions:
Do they pull all guys aside in high school for Pimpin’ 101? Where they teach you all those lines you use. “You are so beautiful.” “You are soo sexy.” “Hey baby.” “You have the most gorgeous eyes.” It’s as if there is a tape recorder in your brain and y’all just push a button for whatever line you want to use. Who buys that crap?
Sincerely,
I Da Ho
Chuck- I Da Ho, who buys this crap you ask? Well based on your name I’d say you have a few times too many! Ba dum dum!
Slick- Awww man, she might be a Ho with morals and values Chuckie! Anyway, let me clarify my position on using “pick up lines”. With the right amount of alcohol in a woman’s bloodstream, I have found that most any pick up line works.


Slick & Chuck… why do men always blame the dog? Do you REALLY think women will fall for that one?

Chuck- In my case I usually couldn’t blame the dog. You see, for the first two years of my sweet dog Trooper’s life I wasn’t very nice to him. I’d kick him in the ass when he’d come in the door from doing his business. I’d yell at him to get off the couch or the bed. Then over the past six months I’ve had a softening towards him and now he’ll actually lay next to me on the couch resting his head on my crotch (which I enjoy, but that’s another story). Now that I’ve become so close to him I realize that it is actually the dog who’s farts stink. Trust me, I can smell ‘em. It’s only natural to put the blame on him! Then again, as I’ve mentioned in another post, I can blow the anal horn with the best of them!

Slick- I have no dog to blame so I usually make sure my wife is near, point at the nearest kid, and tell him/her how damn rotten they are.

Here’s my question:

1. What the average penis length?

2. Why do some penises look big (shower) and others grow to be big (grower)?

3. What’s the average length of time until ejaculation – blowjob? jerk off? intercourse? and for the hell of it – anal intercourse?

Yeah – answer that boys.

Besos!

Chuck- Well, let’s see if we can educate ya here…1. Average length? Three and a half inches (at least that’s what Slick tells his wife!) I think they (they being penis professionals) say average is like 5.5 to 6 inches. 2. Thank God for the ability to grow! I think some of us are growers because we have shy dongs. At least that’s what I read in Men’s Health. 3. Okay, I can only speak on this one from experience: Blowjob can take a while, but it all depends on the technique. Give the balls and taint some attention and it’ll speed up the time considerably! Jerk off? For me it’ll last as long as the porn clip! Intercourse? Again depends on the technique. I would say it could be anywhere from a few minutes to an hour. It just all depends on how you take things. If you’re going to jack hammer without stop you’ll be done pretty quick! Anal? Hmmm, I rectum (lol) the answer here would be the same….unless there’s a strong smell of ass or anal leakage.

Slick- 3 and a half isn’t average? Dammit, I’ll never show this site to my wife now. Nah, I heard 5.5 is the norm (like Chuckie said) but please, that’s like so middle school.

2. I’m with Chuckie on this one. Some have to be teased and coaxed to come out while others are always ready to play. I don’t know why, but hell…

3. I’m totally clueless as to the average times for question 3. I think they all differ with each man. Like blowjobs, my wife would get lockjaw if I let her go until the climactic time. Jerkoff is quuuuiiick. Intercourse would be about 2 minutes (I also tell my wife this is the average time) and anal? I’m a sheltered southern boy….I’ll let you know after tonight.

Chuck- Slick…so are you saying you’re hung like a middle schooler? LOL

Questions #8, 9 & 10

Today’s questions:

Slick and Chuck,

How the hell do men know about all those danged tools. Seriously. There
are a million and you always know what to do with each different one. Who
the hell teaches you that?

Slick- I’ve confessed on my personal site that I’m not much of a handyman. I know the functions of basic tools (i.e duct tape, cigarette lighters, and toenail clippers) but for the advanced tools like the torque wrench? All I see is something heavy to beat my ex wife with. Not that I do it, mind you…I’m just Givin’ It To Ya Straight.

Chuck- I’m not much of a handyman either but there is one particular tool I know a lot about and can use expertly…if you know what I mean. *wink, wink* I’m with ya there Slick on the ex wife thing!

Hey Guys,

I want to know why men are afraid to be next to each other? Why is it they sit in a theatre w/a seat between them if they’re skinny? Why is it they put an empty urinal stall between them? What are you afraid of?
Slick- I’m thinking it’s genetics. I mean, why sit right next to someone who doesn’t have noticeable protruding breasts? It’s a waste of time and we find no enjoyment from it. Besides, most of us only like the smell of our own cologne.
As for the stall question…well, that’s obvious. Some of us are a bunch of homophobes. If I see a man lookin’ at my pecker, I’ll say something which will lead to him saying something, then the next thing you know, I’m getting beaten up by a queer and humiliated in front of my friends. No thanks. I use the next stall over to avoid confrontations.
Chuck - I don’t think we’re necessarily afraid, (unless you’re in a prison cell with a huge mofo named Bubba), I think it’s mostly an unconscionable concern that we might discover that our penis’ are not as impressive as the guy next to us. See how raw and deep we here at Givin’ It To Ya Straight are? You don’t get this kind of shit from Dr. Phil. Now for the record I have to say that this is definitely not the case for me. There are several bloggers you can ask who will back me up. Slick included! lol As for the movie seat thing…I sit with empty spaces next to me simply because I’m a fat ass! ;)

Is it true that all men want is a beer, some sex and a sandwich? If so, I have more battery-operated toys to buy.

Chuck- No, in order to make that statement true you’d have to change that to “several beers” and replace the sandwich with a juicy steak then throw in a blow job! Have fun at the sex toy shop!

Slick- I’m appalled that video games wasn’t even mentioned. Beer, sex, and sandwiches could be a staple of life, don’t you think? That goes to show you how men are simple creatures. We don’t need the same luxuries you womenfolk demand.

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