Questions #11, 12 & 13

Today’s questions:

Do they pull all guys aside in high school for Pimpin’ 101? Where they teach you all those lines you use. “You are so beautiful.” “You are soo sexy.” “Hey baby.” “You have the most gorgeous eyes.” It’s as if there is a tape recorder in your brain and y’all just push a button for whatever line you want to use. Who buys that crap?

Sincerely,

I Da Ho

Chuck- I Da Ho, who buys this crap you ask? Well based on your name I’d say you have a few times too many! Ba dum dum!

Slick- Awww man, she might be a Ho with morals and values Chuckie! Anyway, let me clarify my position on using “pick up lines”. With the right amount of alcohol in a woman’s bloodstream, I have found that most any pick up line works.

Slick & Chuck… why do men always blame the dog? Do you REALLY think women will fall for that one?

Chuck- In my case I usually couldn’t blame the dog. You see, for the first two years of my sweet dog Trooper’s life I wasn’t very nice to him. I’d kick him in the ass when he’d come in the door from doing his business. I’d yell at him to get off the couch or the bed. Then over the past six months I’ve had a softening towards him and now he’ll actually lay next to me on the couch resting his head on my crotch (which I enjoy, but that’s another story). Now that I’ve become so close to him I realize that it is actually the dog who’s farts stink. Trust me, I can smell ‘em. It’s only natural to put the blame on him! Then again, as I’ve mentioned in another post, I can blow the anal horn with the best of them!

Slick- I have no dog to blame so I usually make sure my wife is near, point at the nearest kid, and tell him/her how damn rotten they are.

Here’s my question:

1. What the average penis length?

2. Why do some penises look big (shower) and others grow to be big (grower)?

3. What’s the average length of time until ejaculation – blowjob? jerk off? intercourse? and for the hell of it – anal intercourse?

Yeah – answer that boys.

Besos!

Chuck- Well, let’s see if we can educate ya here…1. Average length? Three and a half inches (at least that’s what Slick tells his wife!) I think they (they being penis professionals) say average is like 5.5 to 6 inches. 2. Thank God for the ability to grow! I think some of us are growers because we have shy dongs. At least that’s what I read in Men’s Health. 3. Okay, I can only speak on this one from experience: Blowjob can take a while, but it all depends on the technique. Give the balls and taint some attention and it’ll speed up the time considerably! Jerk off? For me it’ll last as long as the porn clip! Intercourse? Again depends on the technique. I would say it could be anywhere from a few minutes to an hour. It just all depends on how you take things. If you’re going to jack hammer without stop you’ll be done pretty quick! Anal? Hmmm, I rectum (lol) the answer here would be the same….unless there’s a strong smell of ass or anal leakage.

Slick- 3 and a half isn’t average? Dammit, I’ll never show this site to my wife now. Nah, I heard 5.5 is the norm (like Chuckie said) but please, that’s like so middle school.

2. I’m with Chuckie on this one. Some have to be teased and coaxed to come out while others are always ready to play. I don’t know why, but hell…

3. I’m totally clueless as to the average times for question 3. I think they all differ with each man. Like blowjobs, my wife would get lockjaw if I let her go until the climactic time. Jerkoff is quuuuiiick. Intercourse would be about 2 minutes (I also tell my wife this is the average time) and anal? I’m a sheltered southern boy….I’ll let you know after tonight.

Chuck- Slick…so are you saying you’re hung like a middle schooler? LOL

Questions #8, 9 & 10

Today’s questions:

Slick and Chuck,

How the hell do men know about all those danged tools. Seriously. There
are a million and you always know what to do with each different one. Who
the hell teaches you that?

Slick- I’ve confessed on my personal site that I’m not much of a handyman. I know the functions of basic tools (i.e duct tape, cigarette lighters, and toenail clippers) but for the advanced tools like the torque wrench? All I see is something heavy to beat my ex wife with. Not that I do it, mind you…I’m just Givin’ It To Ya Straight.

Chuck- I’m not much of a handyman either but there is one particular tool I know a lot about and can use expertly…if you know what I mean. *wink, wink* I’m with ya there Slick on the ex wife thing!

Hey Guys,

I want to know why men are afraid to be next to each other? Why is it they sit in a theatre w/a seat between them if they’re skinny? Why is it they put an empty urinal stall between them? What are you afraid of?

Slick- I’m thinking it’s genetics. I mean, why sit right next to someone who doesn’t have noticeable protruding breasts? It’s a waste of time and we find no enjoyment from it. Besides, most of us only like the smell of our own cologne.

As for the stall question…well, that’s obvious. Some of us are a bunch of homophobes. If I see a man lookin’ at my pecker, I’ll say something which will lead to him saying something, then the next thing you know, I’m getting beaten up by a queer and humiliated in front of my friends. No thanks. I use the next stall over to avoid confrontations.

Chuck - I don’t think we’re necessarily afraid, (unless you’re in a prison cell with a huge mofo named Bubba), I think it’s mostly an unconscionable concern that we might discover that our penis’ are not as impressive as the guy next to us. See how raw and deep we here at Givin’ It To Ya Straight are? You don’t get this kind of shit from Dr. Phil. Now for the record I have to say that this is definitely not the case for me. There are several bloggers you can ask who will back me up. Slick included! lol As for the movie seat thing…I sit with empty spaces next to me simply because I’m a fat ass!

Is it true that all men want is a beer, some sex and a sandwich? If so, I have more battery-operated toys to buy.

Chuck- No, in order to make that statement true you’d have to change that to “several beers” and replace the sandwich with a juicy steak then throw in a blow job! Have fun at the sex toy shop!

Slick- I’m appalled that video games wasn’t even mentioned. Beer, sex, and sandwiches could be a staple of life, don’t you think? That goes to show you how men are simple creatures. We don’t need the same luxuries you womenfolk demand.

Questions #5, 6 & 7

Today’s questions:

Kindly tell me how it is that a heterosexual 45 year old man, who has a lusciously big boner I have seen myself proudly poking through his pants, can tell me that he can’t keep his hands off of me, that the chemistry is so thick it is palpable, grab me every time he sees me,

tell me I’m beautiful with an amazing body, that he fantasized about me and wanted me every way there is -

and then REFUSE to get together with me for a date or a hundred, and screw my brains out when I’ve made it clealry obvious I’m hot for him ? He is divorced, and claims not to have a girlfriend for the last year because he works too many hours to be able to commit.

WTF is the deal here ??? I’m about to boil a bunny in frustration.

Chuck- First, let me go look up palpable. Okay, now answer truthfully…are you sure about the hetero part? Well I hate to say it, but are we sure he has a problem? Please sit down and take a few breaths before you read my next question. Now, could the problem be you? Sorry to be so frank, but after all Slick and I do “give it to you straight” here. Ask yourself these questions: 1. How’s the hair down there? Is there a bush and if so is there panty lint caught in it? 2. Are you a teeth using blow job giver? 3. Do you constantly call him while he’s watching football? 4. Do you actually use the word “lusciously” to his face when talking about his penis? I don’t know….I need to think on this one. What do you think Slicky?

Slick- Well Chuck, I think the man needs some tetesterone pills. If I didn’t spell that word correctly, I don’t really give a damn. Nah, in all seriousness…I just think the guy is old fashioned. You know, he wants to court you, squeeze your breasts a time or two, then tell you how many children he wants you to conceive. Sounds like this man is a little devious disguising himself as a gentleman. Be wary of him, girl….be wary.

Why do men feel the need to CONSTANTLY play with/scratch/adjust/scratch/fiddly/flick/rub their balls?

Chuck- Wow, you women sure got some ball envy going on. Second question on the subject. Reckon we really know what’s on the mind of your average chick. Since you added the word “scratch” twice I’ll take this answer in a different direction from the one before. We scratch because there’s just some times when we could shower more often. They get sweaty and they itch. And sometime they might even smell like ass since they can, with some men, hang down in that whole taint/ass region. Then there is always those of us who manscape and if we’re not regular with the shaving the stubble causes itching….but then again you women know all about stubble.

Slick- Another ball question? What’s this fascination with our balls, ladies? Please…ya’ll wanna ask all about’em but when crunch time comes, ya’ll don’t want to touch them. “Crunch” being figuratively speaking, mind you. I ain’t no physician…I just know they’re important to me.

My husband loves to watch me shave my legs. It doesn’t bother me, but since I find it mundane and routine, his excitement confuses me. Do all men enjoy this? If so, why?

Slick- Dear Leg Shaver, your man is doggone freak. I mean, I’ve heard of men watching women shave their uh…hoohaas but their legs? I’m thinking this is almost grounds for divorce, seriously.

I’m turning this over to you Chuckie….

Chuck- My wife usually shaves her legs in the tub. We’ve got one of those big jet tub things in our bathroom. I’ve been known to lean against the counter across from her while she’s shavin’. Now here’s the important part of this: I’m not doing this because I’m all turned on by the razor, shaving cream, or sparkling conversation. I’m standing there watching because I like the way her fun bags move around. I’ll take every legal opportunity possible to be in the same room with a pair of naked breasteses! Could this be what you husband’s doing? If not, then he’s definitely weird.

Slick- Funbags jiggle while they’re shaving? Hhmmm…..I might spend a little extra time in the bathroom during my wife’s bath time from now on.

Questions #2, 3 & 4

Today’s questions:

“Why do you always gotta grab your balls? Are you afraid they have left you forever?”

Slick- Men grab their balls because it’s a source of heat. We’re warming our hands is all. See, a male’s crotchal regions is like 10 degrees hotter than our other body parts. From what I hear, it even gives out a sweet taste….surely you women wouldn’t disagree?

Chuck- We have a special relationship with our balls and I could go into all kinds of philosophical reason as to why we grab at ‘em a lot. But the real answer, at least for me, if because they stick to the inside of my thighs on occasion. I gots to adjust, know what I mean? And for the record ladies, remember these three words: suck balls more. Trust me, your men will like it. Just be gentle.

“How come when men fart, they insist you come and “smell how bad it is”? Any reason for this sharing?”

Slick- Men are worried about your olfactory senses dear ladies. It has nothing to do with cruelty or inhumane treatment. If you want that, try being in a relationship with a cannibal and tell me how many appendages you have left after the first week. See, I think you need to count your blessings that you have such a selfless man.

Chuck- Well when I fart you don’t have to “come and smell how bad it is” because no matter where in the house you are you’re gonna smell it. It’s a pride thing. You spend an evening eating some spicy chili with beans (Slick knows this to be true since he recently made some) and shit, and the smells and sounds your ass produces can be Grammy winning. It’s like, hey you gotta come and check this out. Tell it from the mountain top baby!

Hi Slick and Chuck,
I want to know why is it that men can remember sports trivia from twenty years ago yet they can’t remember to put the toilet seat down or remember to take out the trash? Selective memory?

Also, what’s the quickest way to a mans heart? A steak knife or shish kabob skewer? Just checkin’.

Chuck- First of all, ha ha with the steak knife/skewer thing. Now that’s just rude. The real answer to that questions is, B&B…boobs and blow Jobs. Those are the ways to a man’s heart. Secondly, why ask the question if you’re going to answer it yourself. Yes, it’s selective memory. You gotta ‘member the shit that’s important. Ever see a game show where they ask sports related questions? Yep, and those folks can win big bucks. Ever see some quiz show on tv where they’re all like, “Did you remember to put down the toilet seat today? Answer correctly and you win $1000!” No, I don’t think so. It’s selective, baby!

Slick- What’s this crap about letting the toilet seat down? Is that more important than Joe Montana winning the Superbowl MVP 3 years? Does that even compare to Emmit Smith breaking the yardage record? I mean, c’mon….Herschel Walker won the Heisman as a junior in college and you ask me about a damn toilet seat?

Women need priorities, Chuckie.

Chuckie didn’t steer you wrong on his answer about the quickest way to man’s heart. I fell in love with the first girl who slobbed on the… Well, you get the picture.

Chuck-  Slick, these women probably only know Emmit Smith from Dancing With The Stars not from his career with the Cowboys!

Question #1

Today’s question:

“Dear slick and Chuck,

What makes a man think he is so dang smart? If he were truly smart he would keep his woman happy. Then we wouldn’t need to ask you guys these questions.

Signed,

Lady is confused”

Slick- What? men are smarter. It’s a proven fact and it’s been proven time and time again. We have two heads see? Womenfolk only have one and all it’s good for is storing make up.

Chuck- A smart man does keep his woman happy. Lady, it definitely sounds to me that your man ain’t too bright. If a man can’t meet his woman’s needs, and you know what I mean, then he’s a dumb ass. Smart plus Man equals Happy Woman. Now if you’re wanting to find out how to make your man smarter, well, that’s another question and answer. And Slick, I can think of something else women’s heads are good for than storing make up…

Slick- You know what Chuck, you’re right. I mean, a woman’s head is good for many things. Where else would she store the knowledge of cooking? Anyway, back to the question about why men aren’t smart? It’s a fabricated lie used only to keep “whitey” down and I’m tired of… Wait, I seem to have gotten off track. I think we’ll go with your answer Chuck.

Chuck- That’s right Slick, and you know why we’ll go with my answer? Anyone? Cause I’m a smart man!

An Introduction

Hi, Slick here.

Let’s see…..we (Chuck and I) started this site so that women can ask a question in complete anonymity about the inner workings of the male mind.

I mean seriously, who else knows about this subject better than the two of us?

Although both of us cook, we won’t be sharing or swapping recipes…..that’s kind of gay.

We’ll take one question and we’ll both provide our own answers, therefore, the submitter will receive 2 answers. Whether Chuck and I agree on the answer, we’ll “Give It To Ya Straight”.

On the right side bar, you find a link titled “Email Us”. C’mon, don’t be scared….use it. You’ll be glad you did.