Questions #26, 27 & 28

Today’s questions:

When finances are used by a guy as an excuse not to get married, should it be interpreted as he just does not want to get married?

Chuck- Yes. It most likely means he doesn’t trust you with his money. Have you given him reasons to be concerned in the past? Are you a good custodian of your own finances? Do you spend too much time and money at the casino or strip clubs? What’s your credit score? If the answer to any of these questions are not positive you might want to brush up on your blow job giving skills. If you want the guy you’ll have to take his mind off the fact you aren’t good with money and make him focus on your other “assets”!

Slick- Hang on a minute…if a guy tells you he’s broke before you even plan on a marriage…what the hell are you still doing with him? He’s bad news, girl. Get the hell away. Next thing you know, your Mom will be calling you after a family get together asking if you’ve seen her money. I personally, wouldn’t want all that hassle.

Why can’t men figure out the toilet seat? It seems to be a pretty uncomplicated device, and only really has 3 positions…what exactly is the problem?

Chuck- The mention of positions makes me think of sex, not toilet seats. But since the question doesn’t deal with sex I’ll attempt to answer your question from a toilet point of view. When it comes to toilets there is only two positions that matter. Up for pissin and down for when the kids are being dropped off at the pool. I’m not a slob who wants to sit in his own piss, so I am smart enough to raise the seat. But, if I’m only going to shake the dew off my lily I don’t find it necessary to put the seat back down. You dig?

Slick- 3 positions? Ha, a toilet ain’t got 3 positions! Are we geting our questions from people in West Virginia Chuckie? Anyway, I lift the seat up and for the most part, leave the seat lifted.

What cup size of breasts would be considered too big??

Chuck- This is a joke, right? What size of breast is too big? Is there such a thing? I guess if they’re too big to fit in the front seat of my car that might be over doing it. Any size smaller than that is perfect!

Slick- Well, as most of you know…I’m a breast man. Unlike Chuckie, I do have a size limit. Quadruple D’s. That’s as big as I would care for them. I mean, any bigger and I’m sure they’d cost an arm and a leg to feed.

Questions #23, 24 & 25

Today’s questions:

Why do men on “dating” websites send women a picture of their “junk” but not a picture of their face? Do they really think we are going to be interested in them based on a disembodied penis picture?

Slick- Because see? A man who sends just a picture of his “junk” is a man who is only interested in a skanky ho. And guess what? The only people who would answer his ad are…..you guessed it, a skanky ho. This eliminates the women with morals. Cuts to the chase, so to speak. He gets exactly what he’s after.

Chuck- Slick, you nailed the “junk” on the head with your answer. You’re exactly right. Many men who use on-line dating sites have two profiles. One for the skanks (complete with cock pic) and one for the girl to take home to mama (smiling pic with a dog as a prop). Now I don’t know about this from experience………but, I can imagine this is the case. By the way question asker, there are other sites for dating other than Adult Friend Finder.

I’ve got a question………why do guys insist on having nicknames for body parts?? My other half calls my nether regions the Box office. Care to comment??

Slick- Mainly because the words “penis” and “vagina” are such gay words coming from the mouth of a manly man. “Hey Babe, wanna see my penis?” sounds so….dorkish. On the other hand… “Hey Babe, wanna see Goliath?” sounds soooo much more manly. Penis, Goliath, penis, Goliath, peni, Goliath……I mean seriously, which sounds better?

By the way, I’m stealing your better half’s word for vagina. That sounds so upscale-ish. I like it!

Chuck- “box office” that is a good one. What kind of tickets are you selling from your box office? Are there group rates? LOL It’s so much easier to discuss your junk in pubic when you have a nice name for it. Here’s an example of a conversation my wife and I had recently at Haverty’s Furniture right in front of the sales lady. (Me: So, do you think Lil’Chucky would enjoy the material of this sofa? You don’t think he might chafe himself on it do you? Wife: rolls eyes.) See, the sales person might have thought we were talking about a kid or something.

My co-worker constantly talks about her love life or lack of. She and her husband are in their 40s and have been married for about 17 years. Her husband stopped having sex with her over a year and a half ago, including giving oral pleasure. He says the reason he hasn’t is because he injured his back. I suggested her getting on top but again she said he just will not. Is there something we aren’t getting? I mean is the dude gay or having an affair or do guys really lose “the feeling”?

Slick- Oooooo, there are two likely reasons here. Either your co-worker has let herself go in the hygiene department and he’s lost sexual interest or his pecker can no longer upgrade past the flaccid stage. After 17 years of marriage, he ain’t lookin’ for “strange”. Tell your co-worker to orally please him to start a session. Maybe, just maybe….he will get past her body odor and her disgusting lack of self hygiene to make love to her.

Chuck- Well, unless he’s taking some kind of medication that totally eliminates his sex drive then he must be playing for the other team. Even a guy who’s getting some poon somewhere else will still bang the wife from time to time just to keep her from wondering. I would imagine if a guy has found himself attracted to dick, balls and hairy assholes there would be nothing his wife could do to make him want her warm wet honey hole. Then again, it could be like Slick said, and she just needs to get some Summer’s Eve feminine cooter wash or something.

Questions #21 & 22

Todays questions:

So our 19 yr old son has become….a boomerang kid. He won’t leave, he eats us out of house and home, doesn’t clean up after himself, he doesn’t work enough, and well…it’s time for him to go. It was hard letting him go in the first place, but our finances have been depleted lately, and here’s an adult child with his hand out. I love him dearly, but it’s TIME TO GO. It’s just really hard to tell your child to leave, you know? When I was his age, I had moved back with my parents already. But I finally found someone, and moved out. I didn’t WANT to live with my parents after college. I enjoyed my freedoms. We have 4 younger kids who HAVE to depend on us. Here he is, jealous of everything they get. Don’t get me wrong, I love my son. He’s a cute kid and we get along great. BUT…it’s time for him to join the military, or move in with a friend, or work more than 20 hours a week. His truck is broken, so he depends on us for rides. I know you are thinking “oh, I’d kick him out”…blah blah blah. It’s hard when it’s you. It’s hard knowing what you SHOULD do, and what you DO do. ~ Frustrated Mom

Chuck- Frustrated Mom – What do you think this is, Dear Abby or something? lol Okay, let me get serious here for a minute….If you have a 19 year old man who is mooching off a financially depleted mom and dad and is still living at home, I’ve got two words for you…Armed Forces. Drop his ass off at the nearest recruiting office and tell him it’s time he do something with his life to make him, and those who care about him, proud. Let him know that you and Dad have bent over backwards to help him in every way you can but those days have to stop. Assure him that since he’s not willing to find a job that he can support himself with, his Uncle Sam will step in and provide that service. You can also help seal the deal by reminding him that chicks love a man in uniform! Good luck!

Slick- I’m with Chuckie. Armed Forces baaaaaaby! That or charge the little moochin’ bastard some rent and tell him he has to buy his own damn vittles. Can you set him up with any of your buddies daughters? Maybe that would motivate him to get up and do something.

A healthy, Southern man wakes up at 06:00 AM, goes to work at 7:00 AM, has lunch at 11:00 AM, gets some work done, takes some pee breaks and leaves work at 4:00 PM. My question is…….from the time his eyes opened at 06:00 AM until he clocks out of work……….how many times has he thought about sex?

Chuck- Okay first of all you forgot about when we take our dump breaks.  It ain’t all about the peeing.  Anyway from 6am till 4pm this healthy Southern man thinks about sex approximately 2,400 times.  Breaking it down that would be four times every minute.  This can vary though depending on the day and what I’m doing.  If I stop off for lunch and some hot chicka leans out of the drive thru window with her tig ole bitties staring me in my face that number may go up considerably.  On the other hand I could find myself on a warehouse tour with some fat ass man named Lou with his crack showing and reeking of serious body odor.  In that case I ain’t thinking about sex or anything other than getting the hell out of there and back into my car.

Slick- This is easy. 400 million times. I think about cleavage at least 93 million times a day. Then I think about blowjobs 87 million times. My wife in a french maid outfit or nurses uniform 69 million times and Jessica Alba wearing a see through nightie 48 million times. Whatever the hell that adds up to is how many times a day I think about sex.

Questions #17, 18, 19 & 20

Today’s questions:

Dear Slick and Chuck- Why is it when your guy has a hard-on around you he wants you to touch it??? Even though you are in public and can’t do anything to help out in the situation???

Puzzled

Chuck- Well Puzzled this one is simple….we always want you to touch it. It don’t matter if we’re standing behind you in the check out lane at Wal Mart, sitting next to you in the movies or laying in bed with “morning wood”. We know that we have “what you want and desire”, we just want to get validation.

Slick- I want it touched whether erect or not. “Just touch it…touch it dammit!” can be heard around my house every so often. I say the next time you go out with your man, wear something very revealing and tell him to touch your breasts in front of everyone. This might cure him….or make him very excited.

Is there any validity to the idea that men really want “a lady on the street and a freak in the bed”? Tell me about it.

Chuck- Oh yeah! Especially we Southern Gentlemen, we want our women to be lady like in public, but to be a HO when the door is closed. It makes it easier for us to brag to our friends about how well we’re laying the pipe. Our friends will be all “But she seems so nice and proper.” and we’ll be like “Dude, check out this bite mark on my shoulder!”

Slick- What century are you living in, dear reader? I’m guessing you and your man’s favorite position is the missionary one, right? Everybody loves a little freaky.

My significant other claims to not like blow jobs. Is that even possible? Am I doing something wrong or is he just terribly, terribly flawed?

Chuck- It’s obvious your significant other needs to be reading this blog. I can say I’ve never known a man who doesn’t like a blow job. Most complain they don’t get ‘em enough. I’d go with “terribly flawed”. It’s definitely not you. What say you Slick?

Slick- Is there a mental facility close by that you can check your man in to? Unless you’re just teething the hell out of his pecker, he’s crazy to reject a blowjob. I mean seriously, I’m at a loss for words with this question. It’s like we’re faced with an impossibility right here…..

Why is your email “slickandchuck”? Why not “chuckandslick”? Is this some indication of who is the bitch in your relationship? (Oh come on, you have to admit that’s funny)

Chuck- Well if I had to guess it would have something to do with the fact that Slick set the email account (as well as all of this blog) up himself. I’m sure he’ll have a different answer though…

Slick- LOL! Nawww, I don’t know why I set it up like that. We can make a new one to appease you, dear reader.

Chuck- Okay, to be honest we swap out the “bitch” duties! LOL

Questions #14, 15 & 16

Today’s questions:

Why did God screw me with such a small penis?

Slick- Dear Small Penis Owner, maybe your “soulmate” has a small throat? I don’t know, but God has a reason behind everything. Are your hands small?

Chuck- I have what I think is a funny response to this but I’ll keep it to myself since it’s probably pretty borderline sacrilege. Instead I’ll just say, You have a small penis? You poor pitiful dude. Hopefully you make a LOT of money!

Boobs. Real or fake? And if you care, why?

Slick- Personally, I’ve never had “fake” boobs so I’m not the expert on this matter. I’ll tell ya what though, I love looking at ALL boobs. If fake boobs are all soft like real ones, then I don’t really give a shit either way.
Chuck- I actually like ‘em natural, but if they are going to be fake I’d hope they’d not be all hard and obvious. If they’re fairly endowed, still firm and not too saggy they’re perfect IMO.

When a guy takes a shit, why does he drop his pants to the floor? You see it in movies all of the time where their underwear and pants are on their ankles. I know when us women do our business, our pants come to our knees, not all of the way to the floor. What’s up with that?

Slick- Hhhmmm, this is a very good question. I do drop my pants to the floor and I can’t even tell you why. Maybe because I’m scared of getting feces all over my underwear? I don’t really know…

Chuckie?

Chuck- Yep Slick this is a good’un. I do the same thing. I always figured it was because with the pants on da floor it was easier to spread my legs. That way I can keep hold of my junk and make sure it doesn’t drag the bottom of the bowl!